I feel so bad. Like the worst mother ever. 

This morning, just before we were leaving the house, I have asked K to bring her little purple polka dot bag along. We use it to put a clean diaper and a packet of wet wipes. Since we couldn't find it, I asked if she wanted to take her tweety bird bag instead.

When we were at the car, I had to carry her onto the car seat and had to remove the strap of the bag when she stopped me. I told her that she won't be able to sit in the car seat like that and went on to remove 1 side of the strap and managed to buckle the same side of the car seat. She saw that the bag strap was removed and started crying. I tried to remove the other side of the bag strap but she refused and the strap of the water bottle became entangled.

She swung tweety while I was trying to untangle both straps when the hubs said what I already knew. I was so fed up, not at him but at K, told him to take over and I closed the car door and walked off. I did not look back and walked straight to the train station.

There were times I really felt like giving K a smack, good and proper. And so many times I fear losing my temper on her and then losing control. I've told the hubs if he hears her crying loudly and she is alone with me, he better come check. I may not exactly be impatient but I am not the most patient person either.

Being a SAHM is definitely too high a calling for me. Oh God, please help me.